She smelled like Vicks VapoRub after the war
I asked her to come over even though I was in jail
She made it to my balcony via telekinesis
I took one look and said “Man I need this”

I found an old Sears catalog and taped it to my face
Didn’t want her to know that I was out of place
She bent over backwards until she hit last Tuesday
Right about then I invited her to stay

We lived on newspapers and lies
In a washed up bedroom about our size
She melts when it rains so I always carry a bucket
On weekdays we wanna give up but we never say “Fuck It”

I started blaming her for my loses
while she thanked me for the wins
And our neighbors started saying
“God these walls are thin”

For 15 million minutes
we battled like a Congress
If I knew the boat was sinking
I would’ve saved my conscience

So don’t get caught on sense,
or symmetry, or fire
Cause they are just like us
and they only will expire

I retired all my hope chests
and sent ‘em off to school
And tried to read them bedtime stories
bout the wages of cool

Now I hear she’s under house arrest
for starting eight more fires
And although I see the smoke signals,
they only make me tired